Essential Reading
Once, in an Ikea checkout queue, I stood behind a girl buying a coffee mug.
One coffee mug. Clearly, she didn’t get it. And by “it”, I mean the imperative to buy 35 things you don’t need. And obviously the one thing you do actually need. Which won’t be in stock.
But I digress. One coffee mug just isn’t doing justice to the phenomenon of Ikea Insanity – a sickness that must surely be recognised by the medical fraternity soon.
Who hasn’t found the Ikea catalogue in the letterbox and skipped inside singing “Happy Days Are Here Again!”, made a coffee/tea/alcoholic beverage, instructed the kids to keep outside a 10 metre exclusion zone, and meticulously worked their way through The. Best. Catalogue. Ever. Ok, that may just have been me.
Still. Who hasn’t walked into what we in Brisbane know as “Sweden of the South” (Ikea being located in a suburb south of the CBD) and not known the inexplicable but inevitable urge to buy
- storage boxes in a variety of sizes (hello, it’s Ikea. Obviously you’ll buy storage boxes)
- kitchen utensils (that you already own but that aren’t as pretty)
- cushions with Nordic prints embroidered onto them (because how good do they look in that display!)
- bags of straws (they’re Swedish so derr, they’re better)
- a selection of photo frames (because a wall of family photos in random frames is so now)
- a set of file trays (because that will get you started on setting up a home office)
The fact that you specifically journeyed to Ikea to buy an Expedit Shelving Unit is inconsequential. You will need a Färgrik Mellan plate and set of Chosigt funnels every bit as much. Only you didn’t know it.
I felt like tapping One Mug Girl on the shoulder and asking her where the rest of her stuff was. Was she just barring a place in the checkout queue (which is a whole ‘nother issue…) waiting for her boyfriend to arrive with a trolley full of Galej tealight holders and a bulk load of Punktlig napkins (because they’re just so freaking cheap!). But no, it appeared she truly had just taken the two-hour (at least), one-way (and only one-way, people!) journey through the suburb-sized structure that is Ikea. For a mug. Amateur.
Ikea isn’t my only retail crack. I am the same with Officeworks, Kikki-K, Aldi, and chemists. And I have the 23 different sizes of post-it notes, half a dozen stylish journals, a pantry full of German mini-meringues and animal crackers, and a drawer full of eyeliner and $1.99 nail polish to prove it.
Which retailers draw you in, cult-like?
August 22, 2011
Ok I’m just going to come out and admit it… I’ve never been to Ikea! I have been planning to since forever, and I desperately need to go… but it’s totally on the wrong side of Brisbane!
I will rectify this immediately, obviously.
How the hell do I get a damn catalogue to my dooooorrrr?
August 5, 2011
you know what I love best about where Ikea is now? Is that Spotlight is right next door. Sure the husband person doesn’t really like that but hey, that’s ok, cause I can live with his whining if it means a trip to both on the same day.
Containers. I drool over containers 😉
August 5, 2011
Hey, I had forgotten u were in Brisbane! I haven’t done the double-dip into Spotlight yet. But as I am, umm.. going to Ikea again tomorrow (good thing The Councillor doesn’t follow my blog comments!) I will now – damn you – HAVE to do it.
Have you ever looked at http://www.containerstore.com #sorry 🙂
August 3, 2011
Whilst we’re not *officially* sisters or anything (and I know you’ve got those other amazing ones already), I think we might’ve been separated at birth (and then I was flown to another country to be raised by 2 people who were, apparently, addicted to getting married. A lot. To different people.)
Ikea, like all good retailers in the US (*cough* J.Crew *cough*), have the ability to sell me The Dream. The one where my entire home is streamlined, but still warm and eclectic and happy, shiny, wonderful. The children are cute, the parents young, the bedrooms creative and fully kitted out. Let’s not mention the beautifully-other-worldly wardrobes with their neat nooks for delicately folded panties and accessory compartments for all of those fabulous chemist-cosmetic-clearance-sale finds.
Lately, I’ve been enjoying looking at Urban Outfitters…because my mind likes to travel in a time machine to when I was single, childless and…well, still never as cool as the kids on that bloody website. But still…it’s all about The Dream, isn’t it?
August 3, 2011
It is incredibly fortunate for my credit card/husband/livelihood that we don’t live in the US, because the retail opportunities are far too great for someone with this particular sickness. The fact that shops like Anthropologie are now shipping to Australia is not helping. And now I’ve discovered mail forwarding, so places like The Container Store (which is pretty much my idea of nirvana) are just a click away…
I totally hear you about the wardrobes and the neatly folded undies. I am especially in awe of the always-matching coathangers with diaphanous white shirts hanging evenly apart. Sigh.
We can be sisters in spirit. x
August 3, 2011
Well that confirms it. We can never ever shop together.
I am basically not allowed in a kikki-k store – or online.
And Ikea, I am NOT allowed to stray. Well, technically I’m not allowed to stray. But I NEEEEED it!
August 3, 2011
I want to come back as Kikki-K. Because her life is perfect, obviously.
And derrr – when in Ikea, of COURSE you need it. Whatever it is. x
August 2, 2011
discount chemists … Priceline … Howard’s Storage. lucky we don’t live that close to an Ikea, Freedom just ain’t the same! xt
August 2, 2011
OMG I can’t believe I forgot about Howard’s Storage World. My preferred coathanger vendor. Wow, I really need to get out more. And you are dead right about Freedom. A hundred years ago it did the trick, but it’s not in the same league any more. Thank you for commenting! x
August 3, 2011
I have mixed feelings about Howard’s Storage World – so much organisational stuff at such inflated prices. I feel like their preying on my weaknesses.
Apparently there’s a shop in Melbourne that is a Japanese chain – so imagine all those gorgeous little boxes and tidiness. Swoon.
August 3, 2011
I went to Tokyo a few years ago, and found myself in nirvana – an entire department store of stationery. Considered applying for citizenship, but there was no category for stationery addict. Bastards.
xx
August 2, 2011
Ikea is great, but only if you’ve got a spare couple hours. For a quick fix I do bunnings; all sorts of gadgety and craft things. Not to mention punnets of seedlings that I forget to plant, and bag loads of bulbs! But the gadgets I love, like my $25 power drill with the battery that lasts 3.5minutes, and the motorcycle trailer straps (I don’t have a trailer, but I bougt them in case I needed to rent a trailer to bring my stolen vespa home). And different size screws and tap washers just in case. And of course you can’t leave without a sausage n bread, it’s for a good cause!
August 2, 2011
Bunnings definitely – and your comment about the crafty stuff makes me think about Spotlight too. No wonder I’m broke. Ha – love the trailer straps. You never know when you’re going to need them. I don’t have screws & tap washers, but I have the storage boxes (from Ikea) in which to keep them! x
August 2, 2011
Oh we are such twins. Been a while since I’ve been to Ikea. Mainly because we are trying to get rid of shit, not add to it but whenever we do go we end up with at least 4 suctioned dishbrushes, 3 shark puppets with impossibly long tags hanging off them and a star light that I have every intention of putting up in the kids room but somehow shove on top of the fridge, never to be touched again.
Oh and it is NOTHING without a fifty cent cone. I too am an Aldi whore and get completely caught up in the middle aisles. Why yes I do need an Ab King Pro and a ski jacket.
I love the way you write Nic you are freaking hilarious.
August 2, 2011
I like to text David from Aldi asking if we need things like a portable toilet or an angle grinder. I have no clue what an angle grinder is. I went to Ikea on Sunday, and managed to spend under $100, so I wasn’t totally on my game. Still, I was only the accompanying party this time – went with a friend setting up a new home – she made up for it by spending $658 – and that included not one piece of furniture. Awesome effort.
Your comment completely revived a shit day. U rock. xx
August 2, 2011
Hi Nicole
Well I am with you – perhaps it was an experiment from her psychologist and she really is an over spender. Or it was a research Uni project of her economics studies.
I love almost all of the above that you have mentioned but throw in Bunnings too please – it might also be for the $2 sausage sizzle – but don’t tell anyone.
But I think the vortex of all come on in and can’t get out for me has to be an apple store! (the computer one not the fruiter).
Happy days Miss Nic and love your posts always
x
Loulou
http://hereiamloulou.blogspot.com/