Today I bought new undies, and I swear to God I could not have been more excited if I had been buying a pair of Christian Louboutin Shoes and a Prada handbag.

Whilst your first thought might be “geez Nic, you need to get out more” (and you’d be right), I have a sneaky suspicion that I’m not the only one who finds their undie replacement programme something to look forward to.

And when I say I was looking forward to it, I’m not kidding. I DIARISED the undie-focussed shopping trip 2 weeks in advance, after facing up to the irrefutable truth about the state of my undies. And frankly, if you expect me to go into more detail about that state, you are on the wrong blog.

Suffice to say, my annual undie replacement programme was running late by about 3 years. Now, given the build-up, you might think that my collection of smalls was made up of a plethora of pretty underthings from high-end lingerie emporiums. Yeah… not so much.

Amish grandmothers probably have fancier underfashions than mine. I am like a bloke when it comes to my choice of undies:

• SAME brand – I’m a Bonds girl. Because I look totally like Sarah Murdoch. And you’ll find none of those uber-trendy citrus boyleg undies in my collection because a) boyleg undies only look good on 3 year olds and Sarah Murdoch. and b) because I don’t want anything remotely citrusy near my lady parts.
• SAME model – Everyday Hipster in cotton – there’s no place for shiny, slippery undies in my top drawer or on my bot.
• SAME colours – black, white and beige. And no, I’m not ashamed to admit to the inclusion of beige undies. There is no other choice under white pants or a white frock.  Let me go all fashion-blogger on you for a moment, and say that WHITE UNDERWEAR SHOWS THROUGH WHITE CLOTHES. Also, I’ve been married 13 years – the colour of my undies ceased to be a seduction factor a while back.

So Hot

I have another confession which I know will trouble a few people, regardless of whether they shop at Best & Less or Victoria’s Secret. My underfashions don’t match. Never have. I don’t think they even matched on my wedding day.

So until they come up with Genie Undies, to go with my (black, white and beige) Genie Bras, I’ll be a mismatched, but comfy, mess. You’re welcome.